Then at one point, in my mid twenties, I couldn't take it anymore and I decided to take the route where I had been so against. I went on pills. The results were dramatic. I also took on a healthier route even though I took the pills that was prescribed by the doctor. My pay wasn't much back then but I was willing to spend the money on them when I saw the results.
Coupled with a healthier living and re-introducing exercise into my life, I felt like I was on top of the world and feeling brand new when my weight kept dropping until to a point a friend I had for many years, thought I was looking skinnier but unhealthy.
At that point, I felt like she was jealous. But then it was true that the pills made me tired looking and 'older' because while it brought my weight down, I suffered quite a lot from the side effects. I lost my appetite like totally and I didn't feel the need to eat..at all. Because of that too, I had trouble..erm...clearing my bowels because there was practically very little to clear anyway.
So I stopped. Ever since then my weight has gone up and down like a yo yo. I still stopped eating many things though. And I still kept up with exercise because I've been quite disciplined about it.
However, I couldn't stop the yo yo effects. I weighed about 10kg more than my skinnier self then, when I stopped the pills which is understandable because that's the effect. Ever since then too, I struggled to go back to that weight, sans the pills.
So then, I started hating my body again. Until now.
I read some articles and saw a recent amazing transformation that took 3 years in the making. She could have done faster but initially, she took it slow until she saw the results and began loving fitness a whole lot until she became addicted to it. I know I can never be a fitness fanatic like her, haha, because my once a week gym session is already more than enough, at least to me. So for the rest of the days, I make it up by watching what I eat and also incorporating walks and staircase climbing when I can.
The article I read wanted me to look at the root causes as to why I am still unable to drop the weight permanently. I always think, eurgh eating this cupcake won't kill me. But I didn't see the accumulation of eating such sweet sugary things over the course of a few days. If I want to eat, I will eat it but I must guarantee to myself that it is the only calorie ridden food for the day to balance it out or I will eat oatmeal too for the fibre intake. However, it always turns out to be not the only food I consume for the day.
But the thing was, I shouldn't be having that cupcake but I bought it to satisfy myself which by right, I don't need to. Infact, I bought 8 of them and I would eat two at one sitting. So it's no longer just a cupcake. Thankfully, I only managed to eat half of the lot and gave the rest to my family members after I snapped out of my need for a sugar rush.
In short, it is a psychological thing. Like the young lady who lost so much in 3 years, she said that this is a lifestyle choice which meant that it is forever. And since it will be forever, might as well get used to it because it's not going to be a one time thing. It's a matter of choosing wisely and enjoying the moment where you have made the healthier choice because this is for life.
And it's also true that your body doesn't need so much food. It's in your mind that you need to eat this and need that and then, you start being guilty for eating this and that. If I don't want to entertain myself with such time wasting thoughts, I might as well make the right decisions from the start and my body will thank me for it later and then when I see the result, I will be glad that while the journey has been tough, the end result will be sweet, but not in the sugar rush thing kind of 'sweet'.
I've been eating weet-bix for a week, where I would eat two pieces of it with a wholemeal bread sandwich with a thin layer of peanut butter on one side. I replaced my oatmeal with it which I would usually eat 3 times a week but I hated it. I mean it's healthy but you know, I've never liked it and take my own sweet time eating it. And because it's only 3 times a week, I don't really feel or see the results.
But with weet-bix which I dunk quickly in plain water before munching on it, I eat quite fast and I enjoy it. In the evening, as I have class, I would eat biscuits from the pantry or bring it to school for break because my stomach has the tendency to be all uncomfy and growl when I don't eat for few hours and it will be majorly embarassing.
I've also stopped buying chocolates as snacks and instead, buy a packet of baked cashews to eat after class or at work when I'm feeling peckish. Then last Friday, instead of choosing to eat Aunty Anne's pretzel, I chose to eat low fat yoghurt with fruits because I felt very hungry when I went about buying things for my orders.
It has only been 5 days and yesterday, I finally feel like I'm truly on the route to a permanent weight loss after so long because I feel more light weight and healthier and it's not because of the weet-bix only but because of how I psyched myself that this decision to be healthy is for life. I also feel like I can reach the weight that I got to, when I was on the pills.
Honestly, this weight is not even the ideal weight but it's the weight that I felt back then, was when I was at my most body confident which you can see from my first picture below.
So if you are like me, and want to experience permanent weight loss, whatever decisions you make concerning food and exercise, you tell yourself that the choice you make, must be in line with the healthy living which is for life and not something you are willing to compromise for. And also to tell yourself that your body doesn't need this junk food but it needs food that keeps it healthy.
2006. I was in the weight range which, even though was still on the heavier side, but I never felt skinnier before. However, I didn't like the side effects of being on the pills so I stopped taking it and my weight started fluctuating ever since.
March 2015. I've been in this weight range for the longest time ever when I stopped the pills. While I still go to the gym and try my best to avoid unhealthy food, I still couldn't help myself at times especially with sugar loaded food. I also stopped my long walks after work (even though I had no school) taking on the excuse of the pain in my foot and didn't go to the gym for 3 weeks because I felt so lethargic.
Start of April 2015. I told myself that if I want to have body confidence and no longer want to feel so down and out, I must start with a permanent weight loss which means taking the healthier living route more seriously as it's going to be for life. So I incorporated stair climbing instead of taking the crowded escalator and walking again after work, which takes me about 20 minutes. I feel like my body is starting to change for good, slowly but surely as it takes to take shape in a good way that is. At one point, I started feeling lethargic again but out of nowhere, my colleague's remark saying that if I want look slimmer, I should walk when I told her I feel lazy to walk. Okay, it was though she was possessed when she told me that, haha.
25 April 2015. It has been 6 days since I last told myself to take healthy living seriously which means making wiser food choices and been close to a month of incorporating exercise as and when I can, example stair climbing, long walks and more intensive gym workouts. So when I was out with these girls, and another one (not in picture), I didn't feel out of place. Of course, I was not the skinniest, but to me, I'm at my healthiest and at my most body confident. I didn't also feel like my skirt was tight. I'm actually feeling good about it.
I hope this post will serve as an inspiration for all those who have been struggling with fluctuating weight. All the best!
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